A WORD FOR THE NAIVE GIRL CHILD

 

 Falling in love and getting the same back is as sweet as a back pat. With the emotional changes that occur mainly on the attainment of puberty, sweet love becomes the main fantasy. But to what extent has it been revealed to you that this fantasy is accompanied by pain and tears as a payback selfless offer to love the opposite? People love from secretly, to publicly but in most cases, the pain one suffers when things turn sore goes unexposed to the public.

It’s a sure bet that your fantasy is that you will meet a nice guy who will fall in love with you, fall in love with him and you shall share fine moments over a certain period; dubbed honeymoon. Challenges are expectations but with strong mutual love, she believes in the ability to overcome all. She also expects to build a strong bond that will ensure mutual psychological satisfaction towards each other such that no one will have an eye for a side dish.

 

A girl's childish fantcy

The cycle of love continues to the point of deciding to settle down together. At this point, she believes that the guy will ask for an introduction to her family, and the family in turn will give the go-ahead, they plan a wedding and in case there are financial constraints, they can settle down first and have it later. Thereafter, they will have children, bring them up with the greatest care and love, make them learn, and have a feel of what true love is like. But ooh dear, it remains a wish that someone keeps reminding you and that it sinks in you that once you get deep into a relationship, vindu vichenjanga (things change).

Elders have always advised that for your prosperous life, it’s about birth, education, marriage children, live then die. If one stage bypasses the other then regrettable consequences are probable in part of your life. But today, you have termed the counsel a cliche. You do things your way, sometimes fall into some sheet, and keep hoping that it shall be well....ati kuteleza sio kuanguka (sliding is not falling). Doing things your way however does not condemn you to suffering because we have had cases of good ends where people get in trouble with dating, get a way of not letting the mistake get them into a worse situation, and by standing together, they emerge as happy people. Dating bullshit necessitates the need to address the three types of couples we have for you to choose where you would like to fall. A couple falls in love at a tender age, at mid-age or late.

So what happens to a couple that falls in love at a tender age? The society labels kids in love, as people who have lost focus. Think of yourself settling down with a guy before hitting at least 22 years. The society comes in to condemn and criticize everything that has to do with the relationship. Ooh, they didn’t take time to build a foundation for their future, ooh they may not understand parental responsibilities, such ideas comes up. We had even some parents being incited into trying to separate such a couple. In the face of criticism and condemnation, the only option for such a couple is standing strong together. In case they have already sired a kid, it’s worth accepting to grow together.

 

How about the mid-age couple? From the look, the society dubs it the reasonable couple. Mainly, they are two buddies who are achievers. They made it to campus or took time trying to set a foundation for their lives. They are a people whose everyone is eyes on them. In most cases, the couples are termed God designed. They are a people with destiny, who made choices consciously. The society looks up to such unions to be pacesetters for generations to come. However, the same society that sings the praise of such couples is never reluctant to point fingers, woe, and make them a reference of bitter lessons when the relationship turns sour.

Watch this! Many people have fallen in love and created that great confidence in each other. They get to a point of feeling that they are meant for each other, and engage in fornication. What follows is an unexpected pregnancy. Too much pressure settles in and for the sake of reputation and the unborn, the couple hurriedly settles for a marriage sometimes even without the consent of parents. Within no time, consequences start to unfold. More of what was unknown about the partner starts to unfold. So much becomes intolerable. The reason is that the reasoning at this age is usually a bit raw. Distrust, endless arguments, and fights become the order of the day. It gets to a point where the only option is staying together for companionship as one looks for a tolerable lover. What had been sweet love while dating turns into hate and bitterness towards each other?

It’s worth noting that in most cases, the girl child suffers the consequences of the whole saga. First, in case of a breakup, their parents will blame her for poor decision-making even after being schooled and the long time they have spent advising her till their late twenties. In the name of the saying that goes ‘’A wise woman builds her family but a fool pulls it down’’ society blames her for not standing strong for her family. She thereafter faces the hustle of a single mother for the love of her kid. At the same time, the bitterness of fornication haunts her for a lifetime. To add insult to a salted wound, everyone points fingers at her in the name of not setting priorities right while the man remains hidden from the scenes.

The late couple comprises of two who have achieved their all apart from family. A man in his thirty years or so finds a woman who everyone in society looks at and wonders whether she is waiting for bells to giggle to realize her call to get married. Some of these kinds of men are those who invested most of their time in education, others had a trial marriage that failed while others are widowers. In most cases, such couples make the best out of their entire lives because they had enough time to lay the foundation for their lives plus life experiences have hardened their reasoning. They also had enough time to explore and discover themselves. When it comes to settling down, they have a realization that all they are remaining with is cementing their lives with a mutually beneficial union.

With this at your fingertips, it’s upon you to decide where to aim at. If it is not early, it's the mid, if not then, late is an option too. Again the elders’ counsel you obtain should not at any time be a cliche. Old is gold.

 

MYSTERY OF LOVE

MYSTERY OF LOVE

Love is a basic human emotion but something understanding how and why it happens is not necessarily easy. Many people suggest that love is simply something too mysterious and spiritual for scientists to fully understand. However, research by many researchers and psychologists gives ways to describe love and other emotional attachments by use of theories.

 

Liking versus loving: This theory posits that love is made up of three elements i.e. attachment, care, and intimacy. Attachment is needed to receive care, approval, and physical contact with the other person. Caring involves valuing the other person's needs and happiness as much as your own. Intimacy refers to the sharing of thoughts, desires, and feelings with the other person.

 

Compassionate versus passionate love: These are the two types of love. Compassionate love is characterized by mutual respect accompanied by, attachment, affection, and trust. It usually develops out of feelings of mutual understanding and sharing respect for one another. On the other hand, passionate love is characterized by intense emotions, sexual attraction, anxiety, and affection. When these intense emotions are reciprocated, people feel elated and fulfilled. Unreciprocated love leads to feelings of despondence and despair. Passionate love is transitory usually lasting between six and thirty months.

 

Passionate love arises when cultural expectations encourage falling in love when the person needs your preconceived ideas of an ideal love and when you experience heightened physiological arousal in person. Ideally, passionate love leads to compassionate love is far more enduring, while most people desire relationships that combine security and stability of compassion with the intensity of passionate love which is rare.

 

The color wheel model of love: Just as it is in the color wheel where we have three primary colors that are used to form other types of colors. The same applies to love. Three basic styles of love later combine to form nine different secondary love styles. The three primary styles are loving an ideal person, love as a game, and love as friendship. The secondary styles are obsessive love, realistic and practical love, and selfless love.

 

Triangular theory: It suggests that love has three components; intimacy, passion, and commitment. Different components of these three components result in different types of love. For instance, a combination of intimacy and commitment results in compassionate love. On the other hand, a combination of passion and intimacy leads to passionate love.

 

From the analysis, it’s worth realizing that relationships built from a combination of two or more elements are more enduring. This is opposed to those based upon a single component. Choose the love that you want wisely before falling for a phony lover.