SIGNS THAT HE IS ABOUT TO EXIT A LOVE DEAL

Love is a spiritual union. This insinuates that the partners are held together by a cord of compassion and selfless care for each other. The more the partners are into each other,the thicker the cord. The moment either starts showing less concern with the partner the cord starts getting corroded. At initial stage of a relationship, most partners are said to be in the blinding love. This is what I would call the usual honeymoon love. At this stage,the cord is usually so thick. The way couples treat each other, and even the compassionate feeling towards each other tells it all.

However, with time this great love tends to wear out gradually for reasons hard to unravel before the partner. The cord becomes thinner each day and finally the lovers falls off the connection:marking the end of love deal. So how do we avoid the pain of the thud of falling apart when the cord breaks? Its easy even to evade the pain of the unexpected break up. This can be done by noticing the obvious signals that tells..it will be over soon and thus running away before the trouble befalls you. Always watch-out for these sighs.

Elimination of the items on the do's list: During the hot stages of a relationship we get almost all pleasant things in the world done to you. The guy will try as much as possible to keep in touch;do frequent calling and texting, just to know how u are doing,spend time on picnics where u have your time outdoors. Here,couples spend the biggest part of their leisure time together. Constant reminders of how much they love you are always there. However,there comes a time when the guy tries to eliminate the items one after the other. Eventually,even communication alone becomes hard and when most items are eliminated,the ties gets so weak.

Withdrawal: This mostly happens due to constant gazes at the surrounding pastures;the chicks around the guy. At times,guys tend to get into a relationship with a great vigour but still can't hold themselves from eyeing the chicks around them. This goes to an extent of the guy getting the guts of trying to “ingisha” every Jane and Shiku into his box. Guys forget that after all,they can't accommodate all the cute ladies they come across. If anything,they forget that the more they become 'viruka' the more they can’t concentrate on their core relationship and this leads to it’s silent death. In this case, a guy loses gold in pursuit of diamonds.

Criticism : in this case am referring to corrosive criticism. All people make mistakes but its all about how those mistakes are interpreted and handled . At the worst, these criticism brings in an implication that it's one of the partners who is wrong. For instance , your guy can always criticize you for poor selection of hair style, bad hair splays, poor makeups, poor dressing habit,improperly cooked food, never doing right things like nit calling and texting in time . all these insinuate that you are bad or always wrong at some deeper levers. Repeated criticism that strikes the heart of the other person signals the end or relationship.

Contempt: these are whatever things that makes a person fill worthless. For example , when a mistake arises and your guy makes you feel that it was foolish of you to make such a simple mistakes. This is also revealed by him not appreciating you. For example, a guy may not introduce you to people who matters because of the fear that they may start backbiting him for being associated with you. In this era of social media, your guy may not complement the lover's publicity or comment on her post : just trying to hide everything so that any linkage between the two is not revealed.

Defensiveness : this is when they are always there to make excuses for their failures or slip ups. People do this automatically from time to time but when it become a persistent theme is a relationship it marks the end. For example your guy doesn't text or call you for a week. When you finally calls, he says that he were sick yet he used to appear on social media. Others claim they are too broke to get some credit. “ Seriously for a whole month somebody argues such?” . Others will give excuses that they were waiting to see you do the thing instead, such situations even worsen when partners are also trying to score points off the other on top of being defensive. For example, he brings in an argument “if I couldn't do it, why then couldn't you do it”?

Stone walling : this is when your partner raises the draw bridge and cuts off communication. There are no nodes of encouragement to you when they speak, no

attempt to empathize and no effort to respond or connect, this worsens the situations because lack of communication never solves the problems at the heart of a relationship. The worst this can lead to is a breakup because there is so much that is hidden in silence and silence gives the worst answers to any rhetoric questions.

love is a partnership which is subject to dissolution when conditions get tough , its not worth waiting until the split comes along after a long time of heartaches , it's easy to note when the interest is diminishing. Therefor when it get to the worst its worth saving yourself the heartbreak by breaking up before the breakup comes.

USING DIFFERENCES TO INSPIRE CULTURAL RELATIVISM

At some point in life, you have been left by a beloved one for eternity. It is such a painful thing and depending on your culture, I bet you expressed your sad feelings. In Kenya, various communities have got a cultural complex of behaviour in which the bereaved participate. However, ethnocentrism makes everything look interesting because some people deem others weird yet themselves they are weird too. A look at how different Luos pay their last respect to the departed from kikuyus will help us understand these differences.

In Luo land, death is announced by women’s long quivering wail. This attracts more mourners who join in with loud cries and lamentations. Annunciation is followed by vigil which continues till burial day. Over that time, various preparations are made. For instance a shade under which mourners will sit during burial is elevated, a coffin and cloth made,relatives and neighbours turn up in the compound to mourn and make arrangements for burial.At night, separate groups of men and women in which they sing lamentations through out the night are formed.

For Kikuyus, death announcement comes in like a rumor. You first hear it from a neighbour and later it is confirmed in a church service. On annunciation of death, calls are made to confirm and inform. From that very evening, friends and well-wishers meet at the deceased’s compound for vigil.

Due to limited time, they have prayers, share a word of God, sing and then raise contribution for burial bills. After that, mourners leave for their homes after agreeing on a meeting the following day. This continues until burial day.

On attendance of a kikuyu funereal, the first thing that strikes you is the lack of tears. On this event, mourners troupe into the boma in total silence, If it were not for casket you would think it’s a coffee farmers’ Sacco members going in for a quarterly meeting to discuss the price of fertilizers. Amazingly, the kikuyus people stand in handles looking sober but no tears. If a teardrop is to appear its only on breaking out of the news, at the morgue or during the eulogy which is very uncommon.Tears are an unexpected incidence because this is a time one is expected to show the greatest level of strength and maturity. The community believes in life after death hence one should remain strong in the hope of meeting in future.

This is unlike Luos where when the body is brought home, it brings about complete chaos. People meet the convoy kilometers from the boma and run alongside their horse, chanting and waving leaves. People wail, women, children, dogs, chicken, birds, goats....everyone’s wails rent the air. If it were not for convoy, you would mistake the whole thing for a political rally.

On Luo land, if you don’t cry, you would be accused of killing the deceased. I attended a kikuyu family burial and this is what a villager said about the lack of tears.

On luo land, there are many people who come to funeral just to chill out. They are there just for the company. They also look forward towards the funeral because it’s the only time they are going to drink sodas and have unlimited yummy yummy foodstuff. With Kikuyus, there is none of such characters in funeral. No idlers. Only the affected turn up. The rest of the villagers go about their business of feeding their cows and taking care of shambas as usual. To kikuyus, death is a brief and solitary affair.

On the d.day, Kikuyus don’t open the casket. The body is only viewed at the morgue and once they shut the coffin, that’s the end. They will only view the body in shagz by special requests from those who didn’t view at the morgue. This is unlike the Luo people who have to confirm I you are being buried in decent attire.

The Kikuyus program is brief and no time is wasted on speeches. At most, we have one from a relative, priest and area chief. However, it’s ironic that Kikuyus will run their funeral like clockwork but still manage to curve out half of the burial time taking photos of themselves beside the coffin. Everyone will take photo under a certain category. In fact, the only people who are left out are the deceased’s debtors. The burial is summarized by escorting the deceased into a deeply dug whole and buried without much ado. Thereafter, the guests are served with some sumptuous kikuyu food of which to Luos they would be taken or a snack. I mean some steamed rice, mukimo, some stew; basically, minji, meat, potatoes and carrots all floating in a sea of broth.

The saddest part of a kikuyu funeral is not the fact that they neither cry nor serve sodas or even take advantage of the dead to amuse themselves with pictures, it is how it ends. By the end of the day,the tents are pulled down, the public address packed up and everyone leaves to wherever they had come from. If you go back to the boma the following day,there would be no indication of there being some funeral the previous day.

Contrary to kikuyus, brevity is a no thing to Luos. As part of burial program, everybody wants their fifteen minutes with the microphone. Sometimes, not being allowed to eulogize is seen as a gross disrespect and something that can cause a rift in relationships for generations to come. Therefore, anyone wishing to say a word is granted a chance. As usual, we do not hurry at anything. Speeches are followed by a harambee asking for donations to cover expenses for lamp oil, food and items which were consumed for occasion. Political speeches are made, the body buried after which mourners are served with a heavy meal. However, this does not mark the end of mourning. After burial, a large number of people hungs around funeral grounds for several days, eating and drinking about.

Its tempting to call others weird when we look at them from our own socialization. We are all weird. We are Different. You don’t even have to understand why people do what they do. You even don’t have to appreciate it or explain it. The best you can is respect the difference.

FACTS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT CANCER

For centuries cancer has remained a big menace in the society research indicate that it accounts for more than 7% deaths in Kenya, and causes more deaths than the deadly HIV, Malaria and TB. The society has however, remained ignorant about cancer’s fact files. Due to lack of sensitization, many people have died for not seeking the right medical attention. Enmity has sprout among relatives and community members where a person who suffered miserably from cancer is believed to be bewitched by jealous counterpart. This raises the question of what is it that people need to know bout cancer?

Cause: Cancer is one of the diseases that have many possible causes. The main cause is however gene mutation. It should however been realized that every person has a cancer cell located somewhere in the body, When interfered with a gene mutation occurs. A gene mutation can tell a cell to grow and divide more rapidly than it is supposed creating many cells that all have a similar mutation. Besides, normal cells know when to stop growing so that a person has just the right number of each type of cell. A gene mutation is a tumor suppressor as it arouse cancer cell to continue growing and accumulating uncontrollably.

Genetic mutation is caused by various factors.First, you can be be born with a genetic mutation that you inherited from parents. This however accounts for a small percentage of cancers. Secondly, gene mutation can occur after birth. This is caused by such forces as smoking, radiation, viruses, carcinogens, obesity, chronic inflation and lack of exercise.Gene mutation happens frequently during normal cell growth. However, cells contain mechanism that recognizes when a mistake occurs and repairs it. A mistake missed occasionally causes a cell to become cancerous.

Types:Every time a person mentions cancer, it is programmed in society’s mind that is all about lung cancer for men and breast cancer for women. This is a myth because any part of body can me infected as long as cells exists there.However the most common types of cancer are breast cancer that forms in the cells of breast,. Prostate cancer which forms in men’s prostate glands, Basal which is a type of skin cancer that begins in the basal cells.Melanoma cancer,colon cancer,lung cancer,leukemia and lymphoma. There are more than a hundred forms of cancer named after the organ or tissue where the cancer forms or described by the type of cell that formed them.

Symptoms: Signs and symptoms associated with cancer vary depending on what part of the body is affected. The main sign is persistent abnormal pain on a body part, mostly that which is affected. In addition, one can have a lump that is felt under the skin accompanied by body temperature of above a hundred degrees Celsius.These symptoms may however be of a different illness and thus the best way to detect cancer is going for cancer screening.

Treatment: There are many types of cancer treatment. The type you receive will depend on the type of cancer you have and how advanced it is. Some people have only one type of treatment while most have a combination of two. For instance, one can have surgery where the cancer is removed from the body. Other forms of treatment include radiation therapy, chemotherapy, immunotherapy, Targeted therapy, Hormonotherapy and stem cell transplant.

These treatments are an assurance that once you are screened with cancer,you are not condemned to immediate death. You still have a chance to live longer because the treatment procedures help to fight the multiplication of cells.

Kenya’s situation:Kenya’s leading cancer infection are breast and cervical cancer for women and prostate and esophageal for men. Most cases are diagnosed in late stages due to lack of awareness while others out of ignorance tend to think it’s witchcraft.Inadequate facilities and cost of treatment has also led to deaths that would otherwise be controlled.

In the past, cancer claimed great personalities such as Peter Anyang’ Nyong’o, Wangari Maathai, Nderitu Gachagua, Janet Kanini Ikua among others.At the same point, we have lost friends or relatives and we are left in deep tears. Again, a good number of families has gone bankrupt from managing the disease while others are surfacing loans taken to treat cancer. Those who can afford it fly overseas to seek specialized treatment worth millions of shillings only to succumb to the disease. Some have been declared cancer free only for the disease to recur in a more potent version.

Most patients in Kenya tend to lose hope when they test positive for cancer because of financial implication of treating the disease and poor history of recovery. It is however such a relief because cancer awareness foundation have been formed to support those affected. They are also on front line creating awareness to counter myths. For instance, we have Meds which is a faith base medical supply chain and capacity building organization that provide medical and medicine supply in Kenya and region. The county governments are collaborating with the organization to help with controlling cancer. Nyeri, Meru, Kirinyaga and Elgeyo Marakwet are some of the beneficiaries.

Diagnosis with cancers is not the end of life because if discovered at an early stage, it is treatable.We lose it when we just wait for the October international cancer day for screening. Ensure that you are safe by doing cancer screening as oftenly as possible. Cancer is real, neither is a curse nor witchcraft.

A WORD FOR THE NAIVE GIRL CHILD

 

 Falling in love and getting the same back is as sweet as a back pat. With the emotional changes that occur mainly on the attainment of puberty, sweet love becomes the main fantasy. But to what extent has it been revealed to you that this fantasy is accompanied by pain and tears as a payback selfless offer to love the opposite? People love from secretly, to publicly but in most cases, the pain one suffers when things turn sore goes unexposed to the public.

It’s a sure bet that your fantasy is that you will meet a nice guy who will fall in love with you, fall in love with him and you shall share fine moments over a certain period; dubbed honeymoon. Challenges are expectations but with strong mutual love, she believes in the ability to overcome all. She also expects to build a strong bond that will ensure mutual psychological satisfaction towards each other such that no one will have an eye for a side dish.

 

A girl's childish fantcy

The cycle of love continues to the point of deciding to settle down together. At this point, she believes that the guy will ask for an introduction to her family, and the family in turn will give the go-ahead, they plan a wedding and in case there are financial constraints, they can settle down first and have it later. Thereafter, they will have children, bring them up with the greatest care and love, make them learn, and have a feel of what true love is like. But ooh dear, it remains a wish that someone keeps reminding you and that it sinks in you that once you get deep into a relationship, vindu vichenjanga (things change).

Elders have always advised that for your prosperous life, it’s about birth, education, marriage children, live then die. If one stage bypasses the other then regrettable consequences are probable in part of your life. But today, you have termed the counsel a cliche. You do things your way, sometimes fall into some sheet, and keep hoping that it shall be well....ati kuteleza sio kuanguka (sliding is not falling). Doing things your way however does not condemn you to suffering because we have had cases of good ends where people get in trouble with dating, get a way of not letting the mistake get them into a worse situation, and by standing together, they emerge as happy people. Dating bullshit necessitates the need to address the three types of couples we have for you to choose where you would like to fall. A couple falls in love at a tender age, at mid-age or late.

So what happens to a couple that falls in love at a tender age? The society labels kids in love, as people who have lost focus. Think of yourself settling down with a guy before hitting at least 22 years. The society comes in to condemn and criticize everything that has to do with the relationship. Ooh, they didn’t take time to build a foundation for their future, ooh they may not understand parental responsibilities, such ideas comes up. We had even some parents being incited into trying to separate such a couple. In the face of criticism and condemnation, the only option for such a couple is standing strong together. In case they have already sired a kid, it’s worth accepting to grow together.

 

How about the mid-age couple? From the look, the society dubs it the reasonable couple. Mainly, they are two buddies who are achievers. They made it to campus or took time trying to set a foundation for their lives. They are a people whose everyone is eyes on them. In most cases, the couples are termed God designed. They are a people with destiny, who made choices consciously. The society looks up to such unions to be pacesetters for generations to come. However, the same society that sings the praise of such couples is never reluctant to point fingers, woe, and make them a reference of bitter lessons when the relationship turns sour.

Watch this! Many people have fallen in love and created that great confidence in each other. They get to a point of feeling that they are meant for each other, and engage in fornication. What follows is an unexpected pregnancy. Too much pressure settles in and for the sake of reputation and the unborn, the couple hurriedly settles for a marriage sometimes even without the consent of parents. Within no time, consequences start to unfold. More of what was unknown about the partner starts to unfold. So much becomes intolerable. The reason is that the reasoning at this age is usually a bit raw. Distrust, endless arguments, and fights become the order of the day. It gets to a point where the only option is staying together for companionship as one looks for a tolerable lover. What had been sweet love while dating turns into hate and bitterness towards each other?

It’s worth noting that in most cases, the girl child suffers the consequences of the whole saga. First, in case of a breakup, their parents will blame her for poor decision-making even after being schooled and the long time they have spent advising her till their late twenties. In the name of the saying that goes ‘’A wise woman builds her family but a fool pulls it down’’ society blames her for not standing strong for her family. She thereafter faces the hustle of a single mother for the love of her kid. At the same time, the bitterness of fornication haunts her for a lifetime. To add insult to a salted wound, everyone points fingers at her in the name of not setting priorities right while the man remains hidden from the scenes.

The late couple comprises of two who have achieved their all apart from family. A man in his thirty years or so finds a woman who everyone in society looks at and wonders whether she is waiting for bells to giggle to realize her call to get married. Some of these kinds of men are those who invested most of their time in education, others had a trial marriage that failed while others are widowers. In most cases, such couples make the best out of their entire lives because they had enough time to lay the foundation for their lives plus life experiences have hardened their reasoning. They also had enough time to explore and discover themselves. When it comes to settling down, they have a realization that all they are remaining with is cementing their lives with a mutually beneficial union.

With this at your fingertips, it’s upon you to decide where to aim at. If it is not early, it's the mid, if not then, late is an option too. Again the elders’ counsel you obtain should not at any time be a cliche. Old is gold.